Remembering the fallen and those who mourn them on Memorial Day

Every Memorial Day my niece sends me a text message that says, "Happy Memorial Day, Uncle!" After an hour of muttering to myself, "What's so happy about it?" I respond: "Thanks."

This is typical of many Americans who otherwise regard Memorial Day as another day off for hot dogs, hamburgers, and beers in the backyard. For those who've served and for the families of those who have served, the day has a much deeper and sometimes dreadful meaning.

"It's kind of a day you wish didn't exist, right?" I said to Ashley Mrzljak, who works in Region 9's Superfund Division.

"I'm with you there," Mrzljak responds.

Mrzljak served in the Coast Guard for 8 1/2 years as a Marine Science Technician. Her military service took her to many parts of the world including Japan, Russia, Norway, and Ireland. "I've actually sailed completely around North America," Mrzljak said.

In addition to taking one to many parts of the world, military service builds lifelong friendships, a camaraderie unlike any other organization — you're trained to rely on one another, sometimes for your very survival. You sleep, eat, and work next to each other while deployed. In Mrzljak's case, she was deployed on a Coast Guard icebreaker when she lost her friend Jessica, a lieutenant.

"It's still kind of unclear how it happened," Mrzljak recalls. Line tenders monitored the distance and communications with Jessica and another coast guardsman to keep them safe while they dived at the opposite end of the line. "The line tenders were feeding out the line and then, I don't know, they just weren't paying attention or they weren't reading the tug signals — all of a sudden, they realized they were at the end of their lines… they were gone when they came up."

In addition to Jessica, another coast guardsman drowned in the training accident. Years removed from the tragic events, Mrzljak still gets together with Coast Guard friends on or around Memorial Day to remember time spent together with their fallen comrades.

Mrzljak recalls that while deployed, she and Jessica had their names pulled from a hat for a morale flight while they were at the Arctic Circle. She recalls being on top of the world while they helped look for ice flow thick enough for the boat to pull so personnel could get off the ship and walk around on it.

"It was great, I mean, 'cause I remember just seeing this break in the ice and there were two beluga whales just — they had come up for a breath as soon as we flew over and it was pretty amazing," Mrzljak said. "That's a unique moment… you share with someone — especially with someone you know — I mean, at that point, what do you know, right?"

In my 8 1/2 years in the Army, the same amount of time as Mrzljak, I deployed to Baghdad, Iraq for 13 months and was blessed not to lose a close friend during that time. However, I have lost comrades as a result of the consequences of being on the battlefield. I've lost two close friends to suicide. While there were many things that led to their decision, the invisible wounds of battle played a part.

With these things in mind, it's pretentious for me, as a veteran, to brush off my niece who I think should know better. She does know better. She knows enough to let me know she's thinking of me on a day where I'm thinking of my friends that I've lost — on a day I wish didn't exist. This Memorial Day, think of the fallen, but also think of the families who've lost, as well as those veterans holding silent vigil to themselves.